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Thank you, Dr, Lachmann, for your genuine encouragement to those of us with such painful pasts. Your advice is written like a gently cleansing balm that helps scrub away at the negative messages from toxic scripts that have played in my head in an endless loop for decades - if that makes any sense! I am fed up with endlessly processing the past "ad nauseum" during the past few years. The salient point that I take from this article is that one may sometimes reach a stage where it can be counterproductive to forever wallow in the terrible memories in order to come to terms with the past and move forward.

Instead, at some point I must rely more upon my own inner resilience, and use that core strength to help break the chains to the past. What my family deemed "crazy" were actually the artistic and character traits that have always drawn the good, kind and decent people into my life. Lachmann, I had to write this because you need to know how much your blog articles have helped people like me to move forward positively. Thank you again!

Resilience Key Idea #1: You need resilience to courageously overcome life’s challenges.

Ex-Scapegoat - I am so moved by what you just wrote your review of the article. It sounds like you received it just as I intended. Is such an eloquent way of describing my intent. Thank you so much. Yes, thank you Suzanne and thank you Ex-scapegoat. In a family of rotten bullies, I became the "identified patient. Working through should never become slogging through. I was able to realize some truths of the situation, disengage from them and move beyond, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Thanks again.

Shame Resilience Theory

And I agree with you that working through it all should not mean the kind of slogging that just drags us down and depletes us. The family bullies instead are the ones who really need to do some slogging about THEIR behavior, but sadly, their complete selfishness limits introspection of any true depth. Resilience is just a by-product of my survival. While some are resilient others are dazed and confused. Feelings of shame, regret, disbelief and abandonment haunt us.

Resilience |

We believe we have 'stayed the course' when the tsunami of unexpected complexities pound us into a pulp. Deflated and demoralized we rise from the ashes to grasp some sense of reason and purpose to continue. Past relationships that abruptly ended without conclusion are sought out for a second chance for a new beginning. But now matter how hard we try the 'bad energy' seems to show up at all the wrong times, even when we consciously choose to move on from our bad experiences. All we want us for others to share in our compassion, reconciliation and a desire for justice.

Suzanne Lachmann, Psy.

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    Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Submitted by Tiffany Jones on April 23, - pm. I believe that the only true Submitted by Psychotherapist on April 23, - pm. You're welcome and keep up the great work! Yes, thank you Suzanne and Submitted by Annie on April 25, - am.

    Annie, thank you for your kind comments. Post Comment Your name.

    John Belcher

    E-mail The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. I have sat in this question since writing it last week. It is really resonating with me right now. I find myself with minimal affection for the concept because of the pain. To do the soul-deep work required to reconnect with an identity that we lost before we ever fully grasped it is painful.

    How to Build Resilience and Bounce Back Into Life

    There is just no way around that pain. Resilience requires that we hold the tension between the pain and hope. Resilience asks us to sit with the pain and ask what it has to teach us. I am finding that it often has a source that I have spent decades burying. In one of my favorite parts of the book, he is describing an exchange with a friend and shares the following response:. This particular chapter found me during a period where I was having excruciating leg pain. Some days it would take me hours, a hot shower, and ibuprofen that might or might not work that day for me to even attempt to start my day.

    It felt incredibly hopeless. I had two little girls that wanted to play and I had the mobility of someone twice my age. Then after several months of working with my chiropractor, the pain altered just enough in its presentation that he was able to identify it as nerve pain. When this realization occurred, I knew exactly where the focus needed to shift. My pain was trying to take me into some spaces of my past I had worked really hard on ignoring.

    I did not want to feel the emotional pain that acknowledging some of those memories would bring.

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    • I did not want to examine the source of my emotional pain. We can choose to ignore the pain in our hearts, but in my case, it found its way into my everyday life and started screaming to be seen. For those months of my life during which I wrestled with my own debilitating physical pain, it was impossible to experience relief without exploring the source of my hurt.



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